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About Petrol Direct
As far as we know the direct supply of highly volatile
fuels through the post is an as-yet untapped market.
Indeed, you can get just about anything else mail order
these days so we thought that it was high time we started
to leverage the synergies of the worldwide energy macroeconomy
to produce a paradigm shift of groundbreaking proportions.
At Petrol Direct we understand that you are interested
in finding out as much as you can about our history
and background model, primary because you've bothered
to click on the link to this page and have so far made
it down to the second paragraph without trying to find
something more interesting to do.
Just in case you are an American, or possibly drive
a car made by Suzuki (except for the new snazzy new
Swift), we will spell the purpose of Petrol
Direct out to you in simple terms. This is a spoof.
A parody. We do not sell petrol or any other fuels,
and certainly not plutonium or antimatter. Sorry. This
site is strictly for laughs only.
However, we do have some useful tips on how you can
actually save on fuel bills:
- Drive more slowly. Fuel consumption in most
cars at 60-70 mph (i.e. the posted speed limit)
is much more effecient than at 80 mph or over.
- If you drive a huge four wheel drive (e.g. Discovery,
Shogun, BMW X5) then you are a sinner against the
environment and other road users. Buy something
less stupid. Other people will respect you more
and you never know, you might get your reward in
heaven. (Unless of course you actually do
need a four while drive for bumpy fields, snow,
farming or climbing up hills!)
- Buy a Smart car. Better still, buy a Smart Roadster.
That's fast and economical.
- People keep writing to us saying how good the
Toyota Prius hybrid car is too - so heck, why not
give one a test drive. You might like it!
- Or get a motorbike. Very fast. Very economical.
Inexpensive to buy. But remember to ride safely
or carry an organ donor card.
- Buy a diesel if you're prepared to live with
the fact that they still puff smoke out of the back
from time-to-time even if the person in the showroom
assured you that they were all squeaky clean now.
- Move to the USA where fuel prices are about
one quarter of those in the UK. But if you want
to move to Europe, be aware that Holland, Belgium,
Norway, Denmark, Sweden and Italy all price petrol
at around the same or more than the UK. Holland
is much more expensive!
- Get rid of your car and walk.
- A nifty site for checking petrol prices and
fuel availability is FindCheapPetrol.com.
- As another alternative, a company called Bio-Power
actually does deliver biofuels directly (although
not through the post). It has quite a small area
of operation, but fuel is only about 80p per litre.
Contact them for more details.
Guide to Fuel Saving gives some useful tips
about reducing fuel consumption.
Oils PLC makes a biodiesel from the Jatropha
tree. There's some more information on Jatropha
is another tool for finding the cheapest petrol,
How can you help us? If you're a petrol-head
and you like to hang around messaging boards with other
petrol-heads, why not wind up your online friends with
helpful posts like:
- I can't believe how cheap they are - I ordered
thirty litres of super unleaded and it was
there, next day, left on my doorstep in 2 litre
- They've certainly cornered the market in
high-perfomance fuels. They even sell petrol with
NOx already in it which saves on the costs of an
- If you don't mind driving slowly, the Ultra
Low Cost Value Unleaded is amazingly cheap.
- At last a company that understands the importance
of real lead in petrol.. and lots of it!
- They're not just a pile-it-high and sell-it-cheap
merchant, it seems that they are working with partners
to develop a lot of environmentally friendly fuels,
plus some really advanced stuff for the future.
- I think it's shocking - sending petrol is
the post is incredibly dangerous!
FAQs about our fuel:
- Vin Diesel is a very fine actor and not our
trademark at all.
- Lead is a really horrible thing to put in petrol
as it is a persistant pollutant that causes long-term
damage to people and the environment. Incidentally,
leaded petrol was developed by Thomas
Midgley who also invented CFCs. Oops.
- It takes about 100 kilos of rose petals to make
1 gram of rose oil. As a result, "Perfuel"
isn't really going to be practical. Rendering down
seagulls for "Petrel" might be seen
as a public service though.
- Plutonium is nasty stuff, but some people actually
have plutonium powered heart pacemakers.
FAQs about this site:
- We've had a lot of visitors. If you're
from the press, check out our press
- Contrary to popular belief, we are not tree
hugging hippies who hate cars. In fact we like cars
- Cars are not evil. Modern cars are highly recyclable
and quite fuel efficient. Indeed, fuel efficiency
in some modern cars can be about as good as public
transport - in other words, your nippy little city
car when driven carefully can be more environmentally
friendly than a clapped out bus per head.
- This site is not really a political statement
about fuel prices. Fuel is expensive
though, but it will continue to get more expensive
until the day it runs out. Somehow we will have
to live with that. However, traffic to this site
skyrocketed once petrol hit the £1/litre mark. Odd
- Although this site is a parody, Drax
Fuel actually tried something similar in the
past. You can see an archive version of their site
It's certainly an interesting idea.
- If you like, check out out sponsors: Mobile
If you want to tell us how wonderful we are, you
can email email@example.com